Never Thought That I Could Feel This Way
by ClairDeLaLuna
Summary: A month after the tragedy at the Genetic Opera, Graves finds Shilo overdosed on Zydrate. But he soon finds out that the Z had some nasty effects on her, particularly her memory. Will he stay to care for her, and is he prepared for the changes that ensue?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So, I love Repo! xD And I decided to base this fic off of both another fanfiction for VA and a movie. Won't tell you what, though, it'll ruin the surprise. To my long-time readers, I am SO sorry that I haven't updated, and I really will try to soon. Most of this story will be in Graves' POV, but I may do another story with the entire thing in Shi's POV (or maybe just add chapters of Shilo's pov. We'll see)**

**Oh, and one other thing: Love ya Ritzykins! This one's for you ;D 3**

I found her coiled up against the slime-covered dumpster. The alley was dank with mold and mildew, the fetid stench of rotting corpses and their parasites reaching my nose. With my well-trained ears, I could hear the steady, but faint, hum that meant Zydrate was nearby. I leant down next to her body, about to take the precious Zydrate every person craved and adored, when I heard her take a feeble breath.

Sighing impatiently, I rolled the near-dead Zydrate whore over, only to drop my gun.

Holy shit.

"KID?" I gasped increduously. I hadn't recognized her. Without the poison she'd been spoon-fed for seventeen years, her body had quickly adjusted to it's new life and blossomed into a young woman. She was taller, breasts larger (not that I was looking or anything), muscles firmer, bones less brittle-looking, she had more colour in her cheeks (or would, once she stopped looking like a corpse, that is.) and her hair had grown to her chin, the same raven black as that wig she had always worn. Never really liked the thing anyways, it wasn't the real Shilo.

It'd been a month since Mag and her dad had been killed. A month, and all of these changes had occured, but obviously, the kid hadn't taken their deaths well. Then again, I don't blame her. The only people, in the entire, Zydrate filled world, she ever had, dead? I don't blame her for not taking their deaths easily.

I lifted her up into my arms, noting the old Zydrate gun falling from her hands. Shit. Where the fuck had she found that? She was so gonna pay for this later, but first I had to get her some place safe. It wasn't safe for either of us out here, and when she finally comes to she'll want some place warm and safe to get her bearings, not laying next to a dumpster in an alley full of rotting corpses.

Running, I broke into her house and gently placed her on the couch. I grabbed a glass of water and placed it on the table, waiting for what seemed like years but what was probably only a couple hours for her to wake up.

"Ngh.." I stopped my relentless pacing at her low moan of what seemed like pain. I spun around on my heels, anger rising as I realized just how worried I'd been. Me? Worried? It just wasn't right! I was Grave Robber! I didn't care about anyone, let alone some sickly little, traumatized, beautifully innocent kid! Wait, what? Beautiful? Innocent? I didn't think that. Not at all. Because of course, if I did think that, it would mean that I had feelings for her. Which I don't. I can't. Damn it all to Hell, what was the kid doing to me?

"WHAT THE FUCK KID?" I snapped at her, clenching my hands into fists, "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU TRYING TO DO? KILL YOURSELF! YOU WOULD HAVE DIED IF I HADN'T OF FOU-" I froze.

Shilo was cowering into the couch, utter terror and confusion in those deep chocolate eyes of hers. Doe eyes. Round, with a thick fringe of ebony lashes. For the first time since my parents had been killed by the Repomen in front of my eyes, leaving me alone in the world...

I was afraid.

Afraid of her beautiful brown eyes. Her eyes, so full of innocence, but never this kind of innocence. Fragile, broken eyes with a nearly child-like innocence.

My stomach went ice-cold with dread. This was... not right. Wrong. Very wrong. I didn't like it, and in the five seconds it took of no one speaking, not a sound to be heard, I knew nothing was going to be okay, and my life would never be the same again.

And then she opened her mouth, and spoke. Three words, that's all it took. Just three, small words to tear this old, heartless grave robber apart. Destroy his soul, shatter and maim his insides, and break his heart. Three simple words, in a child's small voice...

"Who are you?"

**A/N: Well there you go, chapter one. Personally, I like this a lot. I think it shows just how his feelings develop so quickly, when forced into the very real possibility that he could lose Shilo. Oh, and I like giving Graves a back story that could explain why he is the way he is. Anyways, ciao~**

**~Luna**


	2. Chapter 1b: Shilo Pov

**SHILO POV**

**I was sinking.**

It was ark and cold, and it smelled terrible, but that didn't matter. Where was I? Why was it so cold? Why couldn't I see? Why couldn't I hear? Why couldn't I move? Was I dead? It felt like I was falling into a deep abyss.

**I sunk deeper.**

Was I alive? Was I dead? Did I ever even exist?

**And deeper.**

Did it even matter? Did anyone care?

**And deeper.**

Did I even have anyone?

**Deeper.**

I was free.

**Deeper.**

No pain.

**Deeper. **

No fear.

**Deeper.**

_I can't feel nothing at all..._

**Gone.**

"Ngh..." I groaned, opening my eyes. Who knew how long I'd been in that darkness, my eyes weren't used to the light. Surprisingly, I still felt free. No pain, no fear. But then again, why should I feel any fear or pain anyways? I was...was...

Who was I?

I was jolted out of my thoughts as a beautiful man spun around, his eyes meeting mine. His face was white, hair multicoloured, his eyes a chilling silver. To most, he would seem scary, but to me I could see the emotions that he hid inside. He was beautiful.

And then he started screaming at me.

I watched in fear as his face contorted with a dark rage. I cowered into the couch. I didn't even know him! Why was he screaming at me like that?

He froze, though I didn't know why, and took a step back. I didnt think he even realized that he did.

I looked him up and down, waiting for him to speak. When it seemed clear that he wasn't going to, I did instead.

"Who are you?" I asked. Such a simple question, but I wasn't ready for his reaction.

The man took another step back, recoiling as if I had slapped him. His face went even paler than it already was, and he looked at me in complete horror.

Barely audible, he whispere, "No..."

**A/N: Yep! Two chapters in one day! Probably more, cuz I like this story! You'll find out what exactly is happening later, and I guess I'm doing some Shilo chapters too! XD Alright, that's it!Baii!**

**~Luna**


	3. Chapter 2

"No..."

No. it couldn't... she couldn't... but.. True, we only met three, maybe four times, but this wasn't the same as her not knowing who I was, it had a darker feel to it. And then the questions started.

"Where am I? Who am I? What's going on, what do you want with me?" Her voice became more and more shrill with each question. She was terrified. I would be to, if I couldn't remember anything.

Sighing, I sat down beside her. "Listen kid, something's not right here. The Zydrate must've fucked up your memories or something. You're Shilo Wallace, and this is your house. Your father-" I paused and turned on the TV. Luckily, the Genetic Opera was just starting. It'd been a month, and yet it was still being broadcasted every two hours. It was annoying as fuck.

I saw Shilo watch with growing horror, tears falling down her cheeks, leaving silver ribbons on her pale cheeks. "That wasn't part of the show, was it?" She whimpered, gesturing to Rotti shooting Nathan. I felt terrible for destroying that child-like innocence of hers, but she had to know. It was her right.

"No, kid. It wasn't." I murmured to her.

The haunting song echoed in my ears as I watched Nathan die again. Shilo sang along, although I didn't know she knew the words. Tears rolled down her cheeks, her voice catching.

_"I didn't know I'd love you so much,  
>I didn't know I'd love you so much.<br>I didn't know I'd love you so much, but I do."_

I swallowed painfully. Her voice was so much more sweeter, more beautiful, in person, instead of marred by technology. To my surprise, she curled up in my arms and burried her head in my shoulder, crying.

Akwardly, I wrapped my arms around her. "Shh... Shi, it'll be okay." I murmured into her dark care, both of us knowing it was only a lie.

"But I will never truly know the father that I lost. The only father I ever had." She whimpered, clutching my shirt. I carressed her hair, hoping she'd calm down soon. I'm terrible at this kind of thing.

We spent the entire day talking, and when it came time for her to sleepe, she curled up in my arms and didn't let go.

The next day, I woke up to her screaming and hitting me with a broom.

"Who are you? Why are you here?"

Wincing, I sat up and sighed. "Shh.. Shilo, it's gonna be okay. Everything's fine."

But I knew better.

It was far from being okay.


	4. Chapter 2b: Shilo Pov

This wasn't right, wasn't natural. Why couldn't I remember anything? Was it because of a traumatic experience? Alright, I had to think this through, starting with the basics. My name was Sh... My name was... was... no, this can't be happening! Who am I?

"Where am I? Who am I? What's going on, what do you want with me?" I shrieked with growing panic. My name is... My name is... What the hell happened to me? Why can't I remember anything?

The tall man sat down beside me and I flinched. "Listen kid, something's not right here." You think? "The Zydrate must've fucked up your memories or something." What the fuck is Zydrate? "You're Shilo Wallace, and this is your house." So that solves the mater of my name at least, "Your father-" he broke off, turning the TV on to some "Genetic Opera."

I watchd in horror as "Blind Mag" pulled her eyes out and then was impaled onto a fence. Something deep, burried inside me wanted to cry out when the singer died, but that was nothing compared to the pain I felt when the man shot the guy I can only assume was my father.

It didn't matter that he poisoned me for seventeen years, or that he klled my mother. None of that mattered to me. I watched as the only father I would ever know died in my arms. I wasn't even aware that I had spoken, but when I started singing on the TV, something deep and burried within me rose, and I started to sing along.

The words came to my mind, one after another, despite never having heard the song before.

_"Sometimes I wanted to cry  
>When the people on TV were not quite the way we were<br>Somehow I guess I just knew  
>But I didn't know I'd love you so much,<br>I didn't know I'd love you so much.  
>I didn't know I'd love so much,<br>But I do."_

_"Didn't know I'd love so much."_

_"Didn't know I'd love so much."_

_"Dad, I will not leave you here,  
>You will live."<em>

_"We will always have eachother,  
>In our time of need.<br>Daddy, you're the world to me."_

By the end, I could barely choke out the words. Whatever knowledge I had of before I lost my memories had left, and I curled up into the man's arms, crying. He wrapped his arms around me, which felt nice and comforted me a little.

"Shh... Shi, it'll be okay." He murmured.

"But I will never truly know the dad that I lost." I whimpered. I had lost so, so much, yet I would never truly know everything I once had.

We talked for hours until I curled up in his arms, feeling safe and warm, and fell asleep.

I woke up to find myself in a strange man's arms. Screaming, I started hitting him with a broom. Ew! Pervert! What a disgusting creep!

"Shh.. Shilo, it's going to be okay." He said. Shilo? Is that my name? Why can't I remember anything? What has he done to me?


	5. Chapter 3

Days came and went, and I found that it was nearly impossible for me to leave her alone. Partly because I was afraid to leave her, in case she needed me or forgot everything the moment I left her, and partly because I couldn't bear to leave the kid due to a more... personal.. reason.

It was about a week after I found her when I noticed the change.

"Good morning." Shilo smiled at me.

I couldn't help but gape at her. "Do you know who I am?" I asked, my voice laced with hope.

"No, but I do know that you've been helping me through things," she smiled that beautiful smile of hers, "I also know that something terrible has happened, although I'm not sure what, and that my name is Shilo." She grinned.

The hope faltered a bit, but glowed within me when she remembered her name. Well, it was a start, and that just meant that it wasn't permanent. I'll get my Shilo back.

Wait, _my _Shilo? Since when is she _**my**_Shilo?

Suddenly Shilo kissed me. Whoa, what? Now, remember I **am** a man, and she'd grown up pretty damn sexy over the past month, so can you really blame me for kissing her back?

I blinked at her, pulling back after a bit. "I also know I wanted to do that." She giggled, then she started singing softly.

"_But I didn't know I'd love you so much... didn't know I'd love you so much... didn't know I'd love you so much.. but I do.." _She shook her head.

"Not sure where **that** came from." She admitted, giggling.

Inside I was rejoicing. She was remembering. Slowly, slowly, but she was remembering.


	6. Update

I may be going through my stories again, which could mean some deletion, rewrites and maybe even some finishes. Keep an eye out for updates.

Ciao~

LunaNyx14


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